Mirror, Mirror, on the Wall…

Mirror, mirror, on the wall, what’s the hardest thing of all?

Accepting yourself, unconditionally.

It’s been a while since I’ve last written. Not because I had nothing to write about – a lot has happened in the last couple of months. It’s just taken me this long to process and understand it all, and to be able to offer you anything of value.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in that time, it’s that it doesn’t matter how well you come to know yourself or how many strategies you have in your ‘toolbox’, change is constant and you will always have more to learn.

                                                                                      ——-

If I told you that looking at yourself in the mirror is quite possibly the hardest thing you could ever do, would you believe me? I’m talking about taking a good, hard look; standing there for a while and looking past your physical being – until you’re no longer just looking but seeing.

Seeing yourself with your mind’s eye – curiously, honestly. With no agenda other than to understand who you are and what form you (currently) take. 

I make a point of saying ‘currently’ because the reality is, you’ll never take a ‘final’ form. By very nature of being human, you will continue to learn and grow as you experience new things, meet new people, and progress through the ages and stages of life. I guess what I am trying to say is, you are – and always will be – a beautiful work in progress. 

You are a fluid, resilient, constantly evolving, constantly improving specimen of humanity. The day you stop changing colours and developing new textures – you’ll be dead. (And even then, you may not stop there, depending on your beliefs).

We are encouraged all our lives to grow and improve, in order to better ourselves. This message seems positive and empowering, doesn’t it? But we are not taught how to sit with the discomfort that naturally attends growth.

The focus and value of growing is placed entirely on achieving that growth – i.e. becoming ‘perfect’ at something. This means that we typically perceive ourselves as ‘lesser beings’ until we reach this revered state of ‘perfection’.

But what the bloody hell is ‘perfection’, I ask you!? (Sorry for the swears). If it exists, it can only do so in the eye of the beholder, because it is such a subjective concept. There really can be no ‘one’ definition.

Yet so many of us have it in our heads that perfection is what we’re striving for, and that there’s something intrisically ‘wrong’ with being in a constant state of learning and growth. That we – as people, as individuals – are ‘failing’ in the process.

Honestly. This just doesn’t make sense to me.

If life is about learning and growing in the spirit of ‘improving’, then aren’t we all acing it!? Isn’t the beauty IN the process of trying to be ‘better’? Can’t we call be congratulated for our efforts – rather than being criticised (or self-criticising)?

Are YOU trying to be a ‘good’ or ‘better’ human everyday? Yes? Then bloody well done you. (Sorry, swears again).

If you’re striving to achieve perfection in one (or all) areas of your life, please, stop.

Not only is it enough that you are learning and trying, it’s all that can reasonably be asked of you.

More importantly, it’s all you can reasonably ask of yourself.

It’s perfectly OK to feel lost and overwhelmed. If you knew who you are, what you’re doing, where you’re going, and how you’re going to get there every second of the day, every one would be hailing you as some kind of oracle. (You could actually be a magic mirror, I guess. But I digress….)

The key to no longer holding yourself to perfectionistic standards is accepting yourself, unconditionally. Even when you wish you were different. Even when you make mistakes.  It’s about accepting that you are human and therefore come with certain natural limitations. It’s about giving yourself credit where credit is due. It’s about showing yourself compassion as you stumble, and caring for yourself when you fall. 

Ultimately, it’s about giving yourself permission to be the one thing you will always be…

That beautiful work in progress.