How To Find Value in Life’s Many Challenges

“I’ll be OK. I just have to remind myself that this is just another one of life’s difficult gifts” – My best friend

I fell in love with the expression ‘difficult gifts’ because it is a beautifully poetic way to describe challenging life experiences that will ultimately prove beneficial (even if you can’t see or understand the benefit for longer than one might strictly deem fair…) But poetics aside, the essence of this expression is that it is possible (and I’d argue, necessary) to find meaning and opportunity for growth in every challenge you face – whether it’s the cause of minor inconvenience or one that fundamentally alters your life.

Take a moment to think of a recent example of when you made a decision or took an action that resulted in a less-than-fabulous outcome.

For me, it was choosing to believe someone was being genuine based on what they were saying, rather than paying attention to the warning signs in their behaviour. The result: I got hurt and felt like a fool. This was both embarassing and painful but it made me realise that, just because I like to conduct myself honourably, it doesn’t mean others will. Of course, it would have been grand if I’d never met this person, and I have definitely spent some time wishing that I hadn’t – but if I have learned anything in life so far, it’s that we will keep learning until we die.

So, I choose to go forward with a growth mindset; focusing on the lessons and benefits in all experiences, rather than dwelling on the dumb sh!t I have done, or that others have done to me – and I encourage you to do the same. The benefit in this particular experience is that I will be better able to recognise when someone’s words and actions don’t line up and take action accordingly, reducing the likelihood of (if not avoiding) being hurt the same way again.

Now, it is not my intention to suggest that finding the silver lining is easy. At first the gift may not be immediately obvious or visible; depending on the circumstances, you may be required to sift through an array of intense emotions, or have to wait until the dust has settled so you can see things more clearly. Nor would I like to imply that clutching on to it like a flotation device will erase the difficulty or damage caused by the experience. On the contrary, I would encourage you to be brave and let yourself feel and express every emotion you have (in a healthy, safe and constructive way, with professional support, if necessary) so that you can move past it in one piece. But if you can find the learning (or learnings) early on, and try to keep it in your sights as you ride the wave, it will help you to keep perspective and take positive action that will ultimately move you forward. Similar to the way keeping your eyes on the horizon reduces motion-sickness on choppy seas.

Chances are, there is a valuable learning in the example you brought to mind before, that will help you forge ahead in the world a little more wisely.

Take some time to delve into that rich experience if you haven’t done so already…  because that, my friend, is your difficult – but wonderful – gift.